BayNVC - Bay Area Nonviolent Communication
Self-Judgments: Mourning and Self-Compassion
1. Think of something you've done that you feel regret about. Write down what it is in observations (without judgments).
2. What are judgments you have of yourself in relation to what you've done? Write them down, as much as possible without editing.
Mourning:
3. How do you feel in relation to what you did? Notice and note both emotions and physical sensations in your body.
4. What needs of yours were not met?
5. Take a moment to breathe and check in with yourself. Do you notice more judgments? If yes, write them down.
6. Again, identify feelings and needs behind these judgments. Pause each time you identify a feeling or a need to experience it as much as possible.
Self-Compassion:
7. Now shift your attention to the needs you were trying to meet when you did the thing you've regretted. Write them down and spend time connecting with them. You may also recall feelings from that time.
8. How do you feel as you notice the needs you were trying to meet? Again, connect as much as you can with both emotions and physical sensations.
9. Take a moment to breathe and check in with yourself again. How are you feeling now? What needs are met or not met in this moment?
10. Do you have any requests of yourself at this moment that may support you in meeting your needs?
11. If you notice any self-judgments arise, connect once again with the feelings and needs behind them. Continue to shift back and forth between mourning and self-compassion until the mourning is free from self-judgments.
Self-Connection in the Moment:
12. Read through all of the needs you have identified and connected with so far. Are there any needs of yours that are met by connecting with your needs right now? Is there any internal shift in your energy about the judgment? Any learning for you?
13. If the judgment still seems as alive to you, consider the following question: Which needs of yours are you trying to meet by holding on to the judgment you have of yourself? How do you feel when you connect with these needs?
14. Connect with your feelings and needs in this moment. Do you have any requests of yourself in this moment? Any insights that you want to jot down to remember?
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